When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
