Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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