he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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