nut hugger
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
