'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
