He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
