I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
