i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
