I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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