Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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