I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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