Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
