I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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