you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
