Banned from zoo.
Again?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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