Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
