its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
