is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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