yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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