i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
