I'm lost and stupid without you.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
