My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
