She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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