I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
