So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
