i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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