I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
