I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
