One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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