On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
