the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
