Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
