I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
