Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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