Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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