We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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