the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
