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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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