Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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