Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
