we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
