I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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