I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
