so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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