my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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