3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
