sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need moral support for this bender
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
