so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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