I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
