You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
