i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
