You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What a dumb baby whore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
