while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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